Flower girl problem?

My future sister in law just had a baby last Tuesday. Our wedding is in September 2009, and my soon-to-be-hubby and I both want our new niece to be one of our flower girls, she'll be young, but she'll be able to walk. His sister originally told us we could use her baby as our flower girl or ring bearer depending on what she had, so we decided we would take her up on the offer. My fiance went to his sister's tonight to see the baby and asked her about it, and she said probably. I don't always get along with his sister, but she doesn't have to be like that, especially when she offered. I don't know whether to say forget it or just hope his sister will let her be our second flower girl. What should I do?
Flower girl problem?
It is like the best man or maid of honor, yes or no. Probably does not cut it. Pick someone else. I would not wait on someone to give me an answer, especially since you are asking so far in advance. It shows that you love the child and want her to be a part of the wedding, regardless of whether she will do a good job or not. Ask someone who appreciates you asking, I know I would be flattered. This way you have your flower girl already. I would not tell her, just do it.
Reply:I hate to tell you this but no she won't be walking by September. Children don't usually start crawling until around then.





Maybe as an honorary flower girl. But there's no way a baby can walk at five months.
Reply:If the wedding isn't until September 2009, I would not worry about it for now. Having a second flower girl is not really a very important part of the wedding, so I don't see why you can't leave it up to the mother to decide at a later date.





It doesn't sound like your sister-in-law is completely set against the idea, but I do think it's a little early to be asking her to decide officially whether or not she will participate! Take a breather and relax - you have PLENTY of time to sort out little things like this!








Edit: You sound like you're taking this waaaaay too seriously. You don't have to budget for the flower-girl dress, her mom should take care of that, so you really don't even have much planning that needs to be done. Flower girl/Ring bearers really aren't an important part of the wedding, in the scheme of things, and shouldn't cause you this much stress. I know you think having both your little nieces in the wedding is important, but it's not really *that* big a deal, especially if you don't particularly get along with that sister-in-law. If you keep pushing the issue, you're only going to make the relationship with her worse, so back off and let her settle into her new position as a mother!
Reply:First of all, your new niece will still be a "baby" at a year and a half old. Your SIL was probably excited about her pregnancy and your engagement and truly offered her child to be part of your wedding.





HOWEVER, this is a human being we are talking about. A baby human, yes, but a human with her own behaviours and personality. Now that she has exited the womb, perhaps her mother thinks she might be more of a handful than she previously thought. Or perhaps she thinks she will be quite shy. Telling you "probably" is actually very generous on your SIL's part.





Why don't you wait and see what type of person this little niece turns out to be? Maybe she'll be so whiny that you don't want her as a flower girl. Or maybe she'll be a little angel and he mom will say OK. But please respect a mother's right to change her mind about something like this.
Reply:Play it by ear. You can always get her a cute white dress a week before the wedding if you have to. My niece was just 2 when we had our wedding so we had no idea if she would be able to do it or not. She pitched a fit at the rehearsal so we thought she couldn't do it. She was a perfect angel that day though so who knows. Worry about that next spring/summer. If she is too young it won't be a big deal if she can't be a flower girl. Just relax.
Reply:That is your sister-in-laws choice at this time to not be 100% sure. for heavens sake she just had a baby..geeez....You sound uptight to me. for heavens sake the wedding is not that close...6 months before the wedding ask her for her final decision..the little girl may shy away and maybe mom could walk with her or....maybe you could have co-flower girls. the other one 3 or 4...Brides stress over to many things..My question to you is..You 100% ready for marriage, are you mature, independent, debt free, discussed all issues of your life together, children no children, do you like each others families, it is like you marry them too...Congratulations!
Reply:Since when is telling someone probably treating that some one like dirt????


Listen, Toots, as cute as a 17 month old baby can be, and I am a 55 year old mother who has raised four kids to adulthood and babysat countless others I can say from experience that she will be very unpredictable...if she is walking well,as some toddlers at this age often aren't steady on their feet, if she's willing to follow directions, if she isn't overly shy and refuses...there are a lot of 'if's' when dealing with a child of such tender years. She can turn out to be the most friendly of babies yet become suddenly shy and stubborn and refuse to walk down the aisle...she may even treat all your guests to one h@ll of a temper tantrum.





Besides all of this you have to understand that this is not your child, it's hers and her say goes, period. On top of that is the expense of the flower girl's outfit and other variables are involved....and if the mother feels it's in the best interests of her baby to withdraw the offer then that is that. propably sounds like a realistic answer at this stage of the game..she's a newborn right now for Pete's Sake-who knows what a year %26amp; few months will bring!


If the probably was a curt one well she just had the baby and maybe you came across as pushy...after all the visit was supposed to see the new angel, not to secure a flower girl and the mother may have been offended, rightly so.





If I were you I'd cool it until it comes time to actually set plans in motion.....you don't need the offer signed in blood on the dotted line right now and understand that no matter how much you may imagine a toddler as a second flower girl it may not come to be...I for one feel she's too young and you are better off with a child approximately 4-6 years old....this is a baby, dear, not a toy to show off for the 'Awe' factor.





And you only need one flower girl...no one will care if you have one or more than one.





Edit: if the SIL is so troublesome then pick another flower girl.......if your MIL still pushes for the baby to be in the wedding party then ask MIL to handle / ask her daughter and explain it's because you cannot get a solid commitment on it....do not go into the rude aspect of it for the MIL will not appreciate her daughter being complained about.....keep the original flower girl %26amp; the 'replacement'...if the baby will co-operate and their dresses are being made at no cost to you, then it'll be no big deal to have two flowers girls and the baby as a third one if she co-operates, if she doesn't you still have two flower girls.


I still feel you should cut the SIL a little slack at this time (only)...new mothers get overwhelmed, suffer from lack of sleep and rapid hormonal changes as they go from pregnant to suddenly not however, if she won't commit or refuses then tell your MIL and let her handle it...It is not that I excuse rudeness, but there may be a reason for it that has nothing to do with you or your fiance........and your fiance should distance himself from the entire thing if SIL is being disagreeable. Only you can decide if the thing is worth the hassel you say it is. As far as what goes on between brother %26amp; sister, even if his sister is being sh!tty to him you need to stay out of it...he's a big boy and he needs to work out any difficulties he has with his sister by himself...if you try to help or make comment the SIL will turn on you . This is a problem they need to work out themselves. As far as the SIL wanting her daughter to be the only flower girl, all you have to do it tell her as she had her wedding her way you will have yours your way and the number of flower girls you have or don't have is non-negotiable...she can be the one to explain to her mother that she won't let her baby be a flower girl 'cause she can't be the only one...people will only walk all over you if you let them....don't argue. Stay calm. It's not up for discussion on your part.performing arts