What do you think about having a flower girl and ring bearer in a wedding?

I am getting married in May and I am undecided as to whether or not I should have a flower girl/ring bearer.The wedding is semi-formal and is going to be outside.It's going to be an adults wedding only as my fiance and I don't want children at the wedding.I know it's my fiance's and my decision,but I am having a tough time deciding.What do most of you think?Also, I already asked my friend's daughter if she would be my flower girl and she excepted the position,but now I am having second thoughts about the flower girl/ring bearer.Did most of you have flower girls/ring bearers? Also, If I decide not to have the flower girl,do you think it would hurt the little girl's feelings(and flower girl's mom, my friend)if I said we decided not to have a flower girl?She is 6.I am leaning towards not having the kids in the wedding, but I would have to pay for the dress/shoes/hair, the boys suit,etc and I don't have the money for this.I know I should of chkd my budget 1st b4 asking but didnt. TY!
What do you think about having a flower girl and ring bearer in a wedding?
I think flower girls and ring bearers are cute. Since you already told the little girl she could do it, you can't back out on her now.
Reply:It sort of causes problems that you've already told her she could be the flower girl. But you could always explain it to her parents the issue at hand.





You don't have to buy specific anything for the flower girl. She could wear a more affordable frock and you can just use a regular small throw pillow with some ribbon sewed in the center to hold the rings. It can be made affordable, just don't go for stuff made especially for weddings.





For my wedding, I plan to use my HTB's dogs for both the positions. Of course, if we find they can't walk a straight line without being distracted by people, I'm just having one of my close friends do it. I don't know of any kids I'd want to perform that (besides relatives I hardly see).





Also, cut costs elsewhere, it'll make things easier (I know you probably are cutting costs quite a bit, so this may not be possible)
Reply:we didn't know anyone close to us that was the apporpriate age for a flower girl/ring bearor, so we asked my husband's grandfather (who is close to both of us) to be the honorary best man/ring holder). it was a way of incorporating him in the ceremony because he means so much to the both of us.
Reply:It is your wedding and you should do it as you wish. If you need to cut expenses, explain this to your friend. I am sure she will understand. Good luck.
Reply:I think they are always a cute addition to the wedding. Often lighten the crowd before the Bride enters the church.





You also get to teach the youth of today tradition for tomorrow.
Reply:its entirly up to you to decide this. but its traditional to have a ring bearer and a flower girl and if you have already told her she could be a flower girl then telling her now will of course hurt her fillings and her parents just explain to them like it is. that you cannot afford the dress, shoes and hair and you do not want them either to have to pay the money for them and with many apologies they might not be as angry with you good luck
Reply:For our wedding, we didn't have them, simply because there was no one of suitable age in our families to do the roles. However most people have them, or at least a flower girl.


BUT, we had TONS of kids at our wedding, of all ages. Weddings are for families!
Reply:it is tradition to have both-considering its your wedding you can be the judge-


GOOD-LUCK
Reply:you can't ban children from your wedding AND have a flower girl. oh, and how are you going to tell that little girl she's fired?


flower girls and ring bearers should be nieces and nephews only. don't have 'em, no biggie you don't need these in your wedding party.


so, you're stuck. which is a bigger hardship - the potential loss of a friend or the $ to reimburse your former friend?
Reply:Its really all up to you and your fiance. Obviously, if you don't have the money in the budget thats going to cause a problem. On the other hand, you did already tell your friends daughter she was going to be a part of it and I know from past weddings that many times the adults tell the child "Your job is very important...etc" and with the child being 6 i'm not sure if it would even matter to her either way. If you don't have children in the wedding its a lot easier to have a flowing processional and not have to worry if the children are going to cooperate. But on the other hand, little kids, esp little boys in suits are adorable!





Its completely up to you though. And dont feel that you HAVE to include the children. This is your and your finace's day and the child's mother should understand that.
Reply:I've never been to a wedding that didn't have both...
Reply:I am not doing it for mine...kids mean drama...and not just because they get tired and whiny but especially with flower girls, their mothers are NUTS!!!
Reply:Yes I did have 2 flower girls and a ring bearer, but if you don't want children then you can't have either. If you already asked the child it would be a shame to diaappoint her. This is one of the biggest days of your life do what ever you feel comfortable with. You could always ask the flower girls/ring bearers parents to furnish the attire, and if they can't do it then they must break the bad news to the children.
Reply:Well if you did have enough money, it is a cute tradition in a wedding, but it's totally up to you.
Reply:we are not having them just because we dont have any little kids in our family that we are close too and also, you would not have to pay for their attire, the mother would if that helps at all.
Reply:I am not in favor of flower girls and ring bearers as I have seen too many weddings where they either steal the show or panic walking down the aisle. That being said, I think it is wrong to change your mind now since you already asked the little girl. She should be fine as she is six years old. I would just have her and forget about the ring bearer. Congratulations on your wedding.
Reply:I think that having just a flower girl would be fine. You don't have to necessarily have a ring bearer, and you could have her exit to go sit with her mother once she does her thing. As for dress/shoes/ hair...You could pick up a nice little dress in a color close to what you have picked out, or even browse the second hand shops to see if you can find something close. And you dont have to spend a fortune on a dress pair of shoes especially if it is for one day....see if her mom has a pair, or take her to payless or someplace reasonable for a pair of shoes...Hair, buy a nice little headband or little combs with flowers, and have her mom put them in her hair before the ceremony...You don't have to spend a fortune, maybe $40 bucks or so for the whole outfit if you are lucky, and it would be worth it not to hurt the little girl's feelings or the mother's as well....
Reply:I think its cute when you have them in the wedding unless they are too young to follow directions and stand quietly for the ceremony. There's nothing worse then Mommy stage whispering to the kid to stand still 10 x's during the ceremony. If you believe the kids you have chosen are capable of this then include them and then ask the parents to drop them with the sitter for the reception. Even better offer to pay for the sitter. If the kids aren't able to cooperate then you would be better of saying that you have changed your mind. Tell the flower girl yourself and I suggest you have a new barbie doll handy when you apologize. Explain to the parents that while you would love to have their child in the wedding your budget won't allow for it now. Why are you paying for the clothes/hair/shoes anyway? Traditionally the parents should pay for all this.
Reply:Yes I had both and they were a lovely addition to the wedding. :)





It is your wedding and you should have it as you wish, but you might want to talk to your friend and see what she thinks. Explain to her that you went over your budget and need to cut expenses. I'm sure she will understand. Maybe she can buy her daughters dress. Good luck.








~Kat
Reply:I recently attended a wedding that didn't have a ring bearer and the flower girl was the bride's little sister (20 or 21 years old) U could try having the bridemaids throw flowers?? Start a tradition. Congrats and Good Luck!!
Reply:It sounds like you don't want the kids there. The little girl will probably be disappointed but it is your wedding. Good luck.
Reply:if you already promised but you still don't want a flower girl make her a junior bridesmaid, that way she has to buy her own dress, you don't need to pair her up with a ring bearer, and you can still keep the no kids policy!


Good Luck on your wedding day!
Reply:personally I think kids in the wedding are a recipe for disaster...
Reply:Having children in a wedding takes attention away from the bride and groom. No matter how beautiful the bride looks or how handsome the groom is in his tux they can't compete with cute little dressed up kids.
Reply:Well, I think it's a bit hypocritical not to invite cildren but to have them as part of your wedding party, however since you have already asked the little girl, you should at least have her in the wedding if not a little ring bearer. Not only would it disappoint her now to not be in the wedding, but it's just rude to take back such an invitation.





Also, you do not have to pay for the children's outfits. Their parents pay for them, just as bridesmaids and groomsmen pay for their own attire. The only expense to you is buying them a gift as you would for other attendants, but thi is a considerably smaller expense than buying the outfits.
Reply:since your wedding is going to be semi-formal, you could save expenses by having the flower girl and ring bearer dress more casual than the traditional little suit and fluffy dress. you really shouldn't back out of having the flower girl now that you already asked the little girl. she's only six, and it would break her heart! hope it turns out ok.
Reply:Flower Girls and Ring Bearers can be put into two categories . . they are either very well behaved or a nightmare . . and I have witnessed both hundreds of times.





I have seen children truly enjoy the experience of "walking down the aisle" and being in a wedding . . and I have witnessed children refuse to walk down the aisle, lock themselves in the bathroom, scream, cry, shout, pout, and being just plain difficult to work with (at both the rehearsal and the actual wedidng).





Most children do not know what the words "wedding" or "marriage" mean and most of them do not care.





When that child (or children) see all those people staring at them as they get ready to walk "down the aisle" they either become frightened or excited and no amount of preparation is going to change that.





It is their parents who make a "big deal" out of being a Flower Girl or Ring Bearer. And most of these parents spend hundreds of dollars on dresses, tuxedos, shoes, and hair dressing appointments. I know of one Grandmother who had a $350 custom made dress made for her 18 month old granddaughter (the Bride and Groom's child) and no one even saw "the flower girl's dress" because the babysitter took the child home before the ceremony even began.





As the Bride, you are not obligated to purchase the Flower Girl's dress or the Ring Bearer's suit, that is their parent's responsibility. You can offer to pay or help pay for one of the items, but you are not obligated to pay for anything. It is very important that the child's parents never assume that YOU are paying for the dress or tuxedo, you have to tell them it is their responsibility.





If you decide not to have a Flower Girl then give her something else to do like hand out programs or bubbles.





Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
Reply:Personally, I didn't want a flower girl or ring bearer...there are a lot of little girls on both of our sides (5 of them under the age of 10) so obviously that was out of the question, and there is only one little boy, who was only 3 and didn't even come to the ceremony anyhow! I think they draw too much attention away from the newly married couple. As for the junior bridesmaid idea...that sounds a little silly...she's only 6!! And I don't think you can tell her that you decided not to have a flower girl since you already invited her. Maybe ask her mom if she can pay for hair/dress/shoes. After all, the wedding party usually pays for their own things, and she's in the wedding party..right? I've never heard of the bride having to pay for the flower girl and ring bearer's clothes/accessories...
Reply:Sounds like you are not much of a kid person if the children are not invited to the wedding anyhow...It all depends on why you would choose for the kids to be in the wedding. We just got married the beginning of this month and I had my godson as our ring bearer and my only neice as the flower girl. I think 6 years is perfect for a flower girl. Mine was 2 1/2 and she never walked down anyhow. :0(


Why did you feel that you needed to pay for everything for them? I just got them gifts for being part of the wedding party.
Reply:I did not have any children, nor a flower girl or ring bearer at my wedding and I think it worked out for the best. I didn't want the added stress of a possible tantrum, stage fright, etc. beforehand.acting resources